What does the Bible say about Christians Dating Non-Christians?
I've never met a Christian who set out to reject God’s will. But I’ve met many who made relationship decisions that slowly pulled them away from Him. And sometimes, it started with dating someone who didn’t share their faith.
I became a Christian at university, and before that, I didn’t have many Christian friends modelling what godly relationships looked like. So when it came to dating, anything felt fair game.
Not long after becoming a Christian, I started dating someone from a Catholic background. Her faith was a little shaky — and mine was still so new. I wasn’t sure where she stood spiritually, and I barely knew how to stand myself. That relationship ended badly. I was trying to be her boyfriend, her spiritual leader, and figure out my own walk with Jesus all at the same time.
Since then, I’ve watched many Christian friends wrestle with the same thing: Can you date someone who isn’t a believer? There’s often a vague sense that the Bible says it’s not wise — something about 2 Corinthians 6 — but when they read the passage, they’re not so sure. And of course, the person they’re dating seems lovely. Thoughtful. Kind. Curious about your faith, even. How could something that feels so right be wrong?
A tender but important question
Let’s be honest, this is a hard topic.
Hard because many of us are emotionally invested in it. There might be Christians reading this who are presently dating a non-Christian. Some might be married to someone who doesn’t share our faith. And increasingly I’m meeting more and more people for whom it isn’t obvious what the Bible says about dating in general, let alone dating someone who doesn’t believe.
Over the next two posts my goal isn’t to lay guilt on anyone – it’s to try and bring clarity. To ground us in Scripture, and apply its principles shaped by grace. In this first post we look at what the Bible says, what dating is really for, and why this isn’t just a side issue for followers of Jesus.
1. What does the Bible say about marrying a non-Christian?
When it comes to dating and marriage the Bible is much clearer on the topic of marriage. So, let’s start with what’s clear.
First, I’d like to dispel the common verse people bring up. 2 Corinthians 6:14ff says:
[14] Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? [15] What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever? [16] What agreement has the temple of God with idols?
I’d like to argue that Paul isn’t talking about marrying non-believers. In applying it this way, some have rightly questioned whether the passage should be applied more broadly – ie we shouldn’t even have non-Christian friends. ‘What fellowship has light with darkness?’ Doesn’t that sound like Paul is making some big sweeping statements about the kinds of friendships and relationships we have? What’s going on in this passage?
Throughout 2 Corinthians Paul has been tackling a confronting problem – this church which he planted was being influenced by a group of false teachers. Somewhere between the writing of 1 and 2 Corinthians a group, nicknamed super apostles, has infiltrated the church. They come into greater focus through the later chapters in 2 Corinthians (chapters 10-13), yet through the early part of the letter he raises issues regarding them.
I think, in the context of the letter, the ‘unbelievers’ in v14 is best read as these false teachers. You can see that by the picture painted of them in the rhetorical questions – they are lawless, they preach a ‘gospel that leaves people in darkness, there’s a reference to idolatry (Belial is likely an Old Testament word closely related to the idea of ‘worthless’, satanic in a sense).
Paul is urging the church to separate from false teachers who are corrupting the gospel and them. Applying this passage to romantic relationships confuses the issue rather than clarify it.
So, what does the Bible actually say about marrying non-believers?
Old Testament: Consistent Warnings
Through the Old Testament God’s people are constantly warned not to marry outside the covenant community. Not for ethnic reasons – this is not racism – but spiritual ones (bold emphasis mine throughout):
Exodus 34:13–16
[13] You shall tear down their altars and break their pillars and cut down their Asherim [14] (for you shall worship no other god, for the LORD, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God), [15] lest you make a covenant with the inhabitants of the land, and when they whore after their gods and sacrifice to their gods and you are invited, you eat of his sacrifice, [16] and you take of their daughters for your sons, and their daughters whore after their gods and make your sons whore after their gods.
Deuteronomy 7:3–4
[3] You shall not intermarry with them, giving your daughters to their sons or taking their daughters for your sons, [4] for they would turn away your sons from following me, to serve other gods. Then the anger of the LORD would be kindled against you, and he would destroy you quickly.
We see these warnings sadly fulfilled in the life of Solomon:
1 Kings 11:1–2
[1] Now King Solomon loved many foreign women, along with the daughter of Pharaoh: Moabite, Ammonite, Edomite, Sidonian, and Hittite women, [2] from the nations concerning which the LORD had said to the people of Israel, “You shall not enter into marriage with them, neither shall they with you, for surely they will turn away your heart after their gods.” Solomon clung to these in love.
Post-exile, the issue of intermarriage resurfaces in both Ezra and Nehemiah.
In Ezra 9-10, we find a lengthy prayer of confession marked by grief and shame as Ezra laments that many returning exiles had married foreign women. He mourns this deeply, recognising that such disobedience had contributed to Israel’s earlier exile (Ezra 9:13-14).
Decades later, Nehemiah 13:23-27 shows that the same problem persisted. Nehemiah confronts the people once more, warning them that intermarriage with those outside the covenant community was a direct threat to their spiritual faithfulness.
The warning is clear through the Old Testament: marriage to those who do not know the LORD pulls God’s people away from Him.
New Testament: The Same Clarity
With the Old Testament warnings ringing clearly the New Testament doesn’t speak in the same way – because it doesn’t need to. Yet, there are many passages in the New Testament that are built on the assumption that marriage with non-believers is bad.
First, we note that most marriages in the New Testament era were arranged between parents. On the odd occasion that someone was free to make their own choice – as is much more commonly the practice today – Paul gives clear instruction:
1 Corinthians 7:39
[39] A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.
Christians are free to remarry only those in the Lord – only those who are followers of Jesus. When Christians are free to choose, they are to choose fellow believers.
Paul’s instructions on the purpose of Christian marriage also give us a clear picture of what sort of parties should be involved:
Ephesians 5:22–33
[22] Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. [23] For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. [24] Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
[25] Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, [26] that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, [27] so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. [28] In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. [29] For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, [30] because we are members of his body. [31] “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” [32] This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. [33] However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
Whatever we make of the word ‘submission’ we can clearly see that husband and wife are not together purely for companionship. Their marriage is meant to be a living picture of Christ and the church. The roles of husband and wife are, therefore, unachievable should one partner be a non-believer.
This is further highlighted by Revelation 21-22 which presents the final, eternal marriage: Jesus and his bride, the church. This is the ultimate story that human marriage points to – and that Christian marriage is a sign of.
Marriage is meant to reflect the gospel. A covenant between two people, united in Christ, who through their roles demonstrate the relationship between Christ and his church.
That much seems clear: marriage, for the Christian, is to be with someone who also belongs to Christ. But what about the step before marriage? Dating isn’t directly addressed in the Bible, which can make things feel grey — and it’s in the grey that many of us begin to drift.
2. What’s the purpose of dating?
What most Christians tend to do in grey areas of life is default to the way of the world or culture. That’s sometimes not necessarily a bad thing. The Bible doesn’t speak much about what form of exercise we should participate in, so we’re free to lean into the multitude of options available to us.
But when it comes to relationships, especially dating, defaulting to the cultural norms becomes far more risky. That’s because our world tends to treat dating like a form of entertainment, companionship, or just a way to explore intimacy. It also tends to promote a physical and emotional intimacy that is Biblically reserved for marriage. But Christian application of this can be hazy – “As long as we’re not having sex, we’re free to do whatever… right?”
How do we approach areas of life that are grey, that the Bible doesn’t speak with exact clarity on? The grey zone isn’t a neutral zone – it’s a testing ground. And dating is one of those areas where your direction will shape your destination.
The answer is biblical wisdom. We apply God’s wisdom principles in scripture so that we know how to live rightly in His world.
Wisdom is God’s gift for walking faithfully in the grey zones – where there may be no chapter and verse, but there’s still a clear path of faithfulness. Scripture gives us clear a clear path on how to live faithfully – and it paints a compelling picture of what a godly, Christ-centred marriage looks like.
I’d like to suggest, then, that when we apply the principles of wisdom we should come to this conclusion: that dating is not a destination to arrive at, but a pathway towards a godly marriage to be conducted in a godly way.
There are many purposes for dating. Dating should be enjoyable, emotionally connective, and trust-building. But all of that must serve a higher goal: discerning whether marriage is right, good and godly with this person.
Dating deepens emotional, spiritual, and relational exploration. And none of these are neutral – because as dating continues bonds build. Emotional intimacy grows. Hope grows. Dating is not a harmless holding pattern, but a heart-shaping, future-shaping experience.
And if we know from scripture that a Christian shouldn’t marry a non-Christian, then dating someone who doesn’t share your faith puts you on a road that leads to a place you cannot go. Which is more than just an awkward situation, but a spiritual dilemma.
There’s a lot of bold there! So, let me take a step back for a moment.
3. More than a ‘Wisdom’ issue
For a long time, I thought dating a non-believer this was just a ‘wisdom’ issue. A kind of grey area where the Bible gives general principles, but we were left to make the best decision we could.
But here’s what I’ve come to understand: biblical wisdom is never neutral.
In scripture, wisdom and folly are not simply different flavours of decision-making. They are spiritual trajectories:
The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom… (Proverbs 9:10)
The way of a fool is right in his own eyes… (Proverbs 12:15)
Proverbs is a fascinating book. The more you read it the more you realise that it’s possible to for godly people to make foolish choices. We all do it.
But, if you choose foolishness often enough, you’re not just being ‘unwise’ – you’re training your heart in disobedience. You drift from God, and from Christ, and the more foolishness you choose the more you end up rejecting God’s wise ways.
This is why the Proverbs warn that foolishness leads to the same destination as sin: death.
Proverbs 7:22-23 (speaking of Madam Folly)
All at once he follows her, as an ox goes to the slaughter… he does not know that it will cost him his life.
Proverbs 9:13–18
[13] The woman Folly is loud;
she is seductive and knows nothing.
[14] She sits at the door of her house;
she takes a seat on the highest places of the town,
[15] calling to those who pass by,
who are going straight on their way,
[16] “Whoever is simple, let him turn in here!”
And to him who lacks sense she says,
[17] “Stolen water is sweet,
and bread eaten in secret is pleasant.”
[18] But he does not know that the dead are there,
that her guests are in the depths of Sheol.
Proverbs doesn’t describe unwise behaviour – foolishness – as harmless immaturity that you can eventually learn from. It pictures it as a path toward death. Persistently walking in foolishness is not neutral; it’s spiritually fatal.
Dating a non-believer is not a one-time act or decision. It’s repeated decisions. Every day you stay in the relationship, you’re choosing a direction. And if that direction is one Scripture has clearly said not to walk, then that’s not just unwise – it’s spiritually dangerous.
A Christian is someone who grows in godly wisdom. Someone who makes choices more and more aligned with Christ. Not just avoiding sin, but increasingly loving obedience.
So where does this leave us?
Marriage to an unbeliever is clearly a no.
I think dating a non-believer is also, clearly a no.
Now, I’m not sure where this lands for you, the reader. Maybe you’re in a relationship now and feeling the tension. Or maybe you’re walking with someone who’s dating a non-believer and don’t know how to help.
Wherever you are, I hope you’ll hear this important final word: Jesus is not harsh. He doesn’t crush the bruised reed. But he does call us to follow him with everything, including our hearts and relationships.
If this feels heavy – you’re not alone. I’ve spoken to many Christians who carry quiet guilt over past dating decisions or deep confusion about what to do now. If that’s you, take heart: Jesus isn’t standing over you with condemnation, but with compassion. His grace is not just for our failures – it’s for our indecision, our confusion, our regrets. And He gives us what we need to walk forward in faith.
In the next post we’ll explore what this all means in real life – especially if:
You’re already dating someone who isn’t a Christian
You’re hoping they’ll come to faith (aka missionary dating)
You’re married to someone who doesn’t yet believe
These aren’t just theoretical questions, they are personal and complex. But the good news is that Jesus meets us right in the middle of our relational mess. He offers more than just rules – he offers restoration, wisdom, and a better way forward.
Following him won’t always be easy – he says it will be costly. But it’s always worth it.
Over to you – I’d love to hear your thoughts
What are your thoughts and questions on this? Have you ever thought about dating as a spiritual direction, not just a personal preference? Let me know in the comments!
